STRESS!!!!!! The Emotional Side of Buying a Home...

Have you ever been through a surgical procedure?  I have.  In fact I’ve been through several.  Each time I carefully reviewed my doctor’s credentials and ensured I was working with the best doctor available.  And sure enough, my doctors did a great job and I healed up wonderfully.  However… none of my doctors prepared me for the amount of pain I would be feeling after surgery – or prepared me for the depression that being in pain causes.  My doctors were excellent and performed their jobs admirably but they let me down in a very important way.  They didn’t prepare me for what I would be feeling and thinking.

I would be equally remiss if I didn’t address with my clients the emotional aspect of buying a home.  Buying a home is one of the most stressful things you will ever do.  In fact, many psychologists feel that the only things more stressful than buying a home are suffering from the loss of a loved one, and going through a divorce.  Other life events that are rated as “highly stressful” include moving to a new town and starting a new job.  Unfortunately, many people who are buying a home are also going through one or more highly stressful events at the same time.

I always take time to talk about stress with my clients.  Most people don’t think that buying a home is stressful – they think it is fun, exciting, a “step up” in life – anything but stressful.  And so we don’t recognize the symptoms of stress as we are going through the buying process.  Think about yourself and how you exhibit stress.  Do you get in fights with your partner?  Do you have a hard time sleeping?  Do you get clumsy?  As you go through the home buying process you will find yourself exhibiting all your signs of stress – so be on the lookout for it!

When I start working with a buyer, we start off by asking questions – What kind of home do you want?  Where do you want to live?  How much land do you want?  It’s all a fantasy – a game.  Buyers look at pretty pictures of homes on the internet and read elegantly worded descriptions that lead them to fantasize what it might be like to live in that home.  Then we go out together and look at the homes – again there’s still the element of unreality.  The buyers are just having a fun day out looking at other people’s homes.

Then one day we come across a home that makes the buyers stop in their tracks and suddenly the mantle of make-believe is ripped away.  Now – in your face – is a house that you are serious about buying.  And suddenly the cold feeling of fear grips your heart.  The feeling that this was all a game is long gone.  We go back to my office and start talking about “comps” , mortgages, contracts, inspections, closing costs and monthly payments– and you are left wondering whatever happened to your pleasant little fantasy about that dream house in the woods…

I always tell my buyers that the stress really starts when you find the house that you want to buy.  And stress continues to rise from that point all the way through settlement and even beyond settlement.  I think it dissipates when you wake up in your new house one morning and feel like you are waking up “at home”… rather than in someone else’s house…

So BE PREPARED to feel much more stressed than you think you will feel.  One of the biggest stressors is worrying about what everyone else thinks – Parents and friends are full of well-intentioned advice.  That’s why I ask you to include them in the process from the very beginning so they can see all the homes you’ve looked at, and know that you are doing your homework and are being protected by a good realtor who genuinely cares about looking out for your best interests… Another big stressor is the fear of being taken advantage of – nobody wants to pay more than they have to.

My goal in working with you is to make you as informed and educated about the market as I can possibly get you to be.  When you find the right house, I want you to know in your heart whether it is over-priced or well-priced.  I will perform a market analysis for you so you can see what the recent sales have been.  We will have an appraisal done to protect you.  We will have inspections done to protect you.  We can even negotiate for a home warranty to protect you.  The bottom line is – you are in charge and I am your guide.  I will help you go from wishing and fantasizing to living the dream.  You will absolutely experience stress, no matter what we do or how well-informed you are… but hopefully… now you are a little better prepared for it... You know it’s coming… and when you find yourself picking a fight with your loved-one, you will be able to take a deep breath and tell yourself this is just part of the process – and you will know you are moving toward a positive outcome that will make your dream a reality.

Being prepared to buy a home is a mental process that everyone must work through on their own.  If you have ever suffered through grief, you know that grieving is commonly known to be a 5-stage process.  Every person works through the process at their own pace, and the process can not be rushed.  What if a grieving person was told – oh by the way, your grief is scheduled to end next Tuesday at 2:00?  I don’t think many people would be able to meet the deadline… Yet we schedule real estate settlements for buyers who have not successfully worked through the mental process of buying a home.  I am always worried when I get a buyer who very quickly finds a house they want to write an offer on… I know they haven’t had time to go through the mental process of buying a home… so therefore they are going to be much more likely to regret their decision – or go through “buyer’s remorse”.

It is very important that you do your homework to help you mentally prepare to make the home-buying decision.  You really need to drive around on your own and explore neighborhoods and areas so you will be comfortable deciding WHERE you want to live.  It’s also extremely important that you contact your mortgage lender as soon as possible and MAKE SURE you understand the mortgage process!!  You absolutely need to know the answers to the following questions, so write this down and GET THE ANSWERS in writing!! 

1. What do you qualify for?  (Get a maximum sales price)
2. What will that monthly mortgage payment be?
3. How much cash will you need to bring to settlement?
4. What kind of loan are you getting?
5. Get the answers to numbers 2 & 3 for several different contract prices.  For example, if you are looking at houses priced from $350,000 to $400,000, get the monthly mortgage payment and cash required for a sales price of $350,000, $375,000 and $400,000.

You need to be as proactive and as involved as possible!  The more questions you ask, and the more research you do, the more comfortable you will be with your decisions!  My favorite client is an informed, educated client.  Do your Buyer’s Homework.  Be prepared for stress.  Now go out there and get ready to buy a house!